You Don't Have to Be a People-pleaser

 

Blessed Are Those That Mourn

"You should be happy that your loved one is in a better place. It's time for you to move on with your life. It's what your loved one would have wanted you to do."

When we're experiencing grief, our well-meaning friends come along with their words of "comfort" and, well, in some cases, make us want to slap them! What do you do when all the precious-memories, whispering-hope's, and meet-you-in-the-morning's leave you as empty as the vacant chair at your table?

Well, to start, you can stop believing lies about the pain you feel, and start living with the truth.

Here are some things we've learned about grief:

• It's a normal part of life. Those who haven't experienced it yet, will. Jesus did. Read John 11:35. People in the early church did. Read Acts 8:2.
• We should be sensitive to others who are experiencing grief. Romans 12:15, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
• Grief is not a sign of weakness. In the Bible, King David and his great soldiers returned home after a battle to find that their city had been destroyed and their families had been taken as prisoners of war. Here's how the Bible describes the reaction of these mighty men, "So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep." I Samuel 30:3,4
• There is no timetable for grieving or for moving through so-called "stages of grief." There may be many painful days, or the pain may be short-lived. Don't place unrealistic expectations on yourself.
• Grief is a season of  life. Trees change with the seasons from the new buds of springtime to the mature shade of summer and from the beauty of fall to the barrenness of winter. In the same way, we experience the excitement at the birth of a relationship, the closeness as that relationship develops, the beauty of aging together, and this is followed by the heartbreak of loneliness when the relationship is broken by death - or for other reasons.
• The good news is that the season of death is always followed by rebirth - it is true in trees and it is true for us. The hope of eternal life can give us focus beyond the pain of death. "My friends, we want you to understand how it will be for those followers who have already died. Then you won’t grieve over them and be like people who don’t have any hope. We believe that Jesus died and was raised to life. We also believe that when God brings Jesus back again, he will bring with him all who had faith in Jesus before they died." I Thessalonias 4:13,14

Keep in mind that you are not alone. Remember that David and his men were exhausted, wrung dry, and left in a vulnerable position. Still, the story continues with this statement, "But David found strength in the Lord his God." This is the former shepherd boy who had once written, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me." Now, he was living out what he believed deep in his heart: I'm not alone.

Go ahead, experience the pain, cry until you're dry, let out the tears and the moans, the questions and the anger. Live in the memories, and talk about your loss. No one knows exactly how you feel, but that doesn't mean they don't care. Allow others to share your burden as you share theirs. If you ever find grief overwhelming, or your comforters are making matters worse, keep in mind that Jesus gave us this promise in Matthew 5:4, "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted."

Notes from Ask Me Anything About Grief by Tony Moore.
Video available.

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A Pastor's Job

Most Bible folk know that in Ephesians 4:11 Paul wrote that, among other gifts, God gave pastors to the church. This was a fulfillment of a prophecy given in Jeremiah 3:15 when God said, "I will give you pastors according to my heart, who shall feed you with knowledge and understanding." Oh, that churches would be led by welcoming, loving, generous, wise pastors - pastors full of the Holy Spirit and motivated by the undeserved grace they have themselves received.

However, God's gift was not without warning. "Woe be to the pastors who destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture!" (Jeremiah 23:1)

It seems that God has a simple word for those he has called to this ministry: Feed, don't destroy or scatter, my sheep.

It has been my observation that it is possible to feed and destroy at the same time. It happens in many ways in churches.

• Trying to force-feed knowledge into a person
• Portions of spiritual food that are too small to maintain life
• Insistence that church members eat the same diet as the pastor
• A monotonous diet that has no variety

As good, observant parents know, you don't treat all children the same, nor do they all learn the same way. It's the same with feeding God's sheep. Each church member is unique and gains knowledge and understanding in different ways. Some learn from the hymns, others through graphics used in the church bulletin or on the screen. Some grow through a sermon with organized points, others through a casual conversation.

 

I don't know of a church that uses this method, but I wonder what it would be like to organize small groups so that members with similar learning styles were grouped together? I suspect that it works better to have different styles in each group - each learning from the other.

 

Either way, pastors, remember that your way isn't the only way. The gift you have been given is the privilege of feeding - nourishing and growing - people who become wholehearted disciples. By the way, they're becoming Jesus' disciples, not yours.

Would You Sign Up for This Free Trip?

At Transformation House this Sunday we will have our first water baptism service since we started the church in February.  I am STOKED!  Our second one is scheduled for October 30.  These two Sundays will be very special.  Seeing people surrender and connect to Jesus is an awesome experience.  The last baptism I attended was at Brookwood Church earlier this year when my cousin's daughter was baptized on her tenth birthday. I'm STILL smiling over that one.

There is another aspect of transformation that really moves me - seeing someone finally "get it" after living years in confusion or trapped in a destructive lifestyle or mindset.  We have a church full of people like that. From the stage to the back door, our pastors and all around the room, we have experienced the life change that comes from living in right relationship with Jesus.

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There are people who hesitated to come because of past church experiences, some who don't feel "worthy" or "clean enough" to come.  Think of the people in the Bible who came to Jesus.  He required no sit-ups, hail Mary's, or clean fingernails.  They came to him sick, naked, foaming at the mouth, groveling, filty, stained, broken, and some with their own agendas of what they expected from him.  Still, he put no prerequisites for them.  He touched them, loved them, healed them, fed them, rescued them, encouraged them, and taught them.  He welcomed them with open arms. 

He still stands, arms wide open, with an invitation to ALL.  Come with your piercings, your three-piece suits, your tattoos, your torn jeans, bare feet, scars, hurts, shaved head or ponytails, just come!  He still has no prerequisite.  Sure, some people, some churches, create barriers between Jesus and the people he loves, but those barriers are man-made.  They don't exist, they're illusions from the mind of the pious, religious people who forget their only hope is the grace of God. 

I'm saying this to say to you that the reason we started a church in downtown Greenville was to have a place where you can have free access to Jesus.  Grace - your "get into Heaven free" card.  No hidden fees, no secret code, nothing but an open invitation from the person who loved you enough to make SURE you could know him forever. 

In Matthew 11:28, Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Take him up on it.

If you 'd like to talk about it, the doors of Transformation House are usually open until around 8 p.m. every day, Monday through Friday, and our Sunday Open House is at 10.  We would love to meet you.

Failure Isn't Final

So, how bad did you mess up?  Bad enough that you want to quit?  Enough to feel disqualified, unworthy, or incapable of fulfilling you dreams and goals?  Have you convinced yourself now that you just don't measure up and you never will?

I'd like to suggest before you throw in the towel, that you give it another go.  Seriously, how bad could it really be?

After all, if everybody who failed just gave up, we'd still be in the Dark Ages - or probably at least somewhere in the Industrial Revolution.  Think of all the conveniences we wouldn't be enjoying if inventors had given up on the first (or second, or tenth) try.

Or how long would it have taken the other 10 disciples to create the Church if Peter had gone back fishing - permanently?  But wait, that wasn't even Peter's first pitiful failure was it?  How many times DID he fail?  Let's see, he failed at walking on water, he failed to understand Jesus' parables, he tried to prevent Jesus from fulfilling His mission, Jesus called him Satan (that one goes in the epic failure category), he failed to see the point of the Transfiguration, he failed the forgiveness quiz, he failed the servanthood test, he failed the anger test, he failed to stay awake during Jesus' most crucial prayer meeting, he failed to keep his word, and maybe worst of all, he denied even knowing Jesus on Jesus' most sorrowful night.

Based on all of that, it seems that Peter would have won The World's Worst Failure of Biblical Proportions.  Or did he?  I think we sometimes confuse these two words: fail and fell.  Actually, Peter succeeded at walking on water until he fell in fear.  He stumbled at Jesus' parables but came to understand them in time... and on and on.  Peter's failures were only momentary, and momentary failures are not failures at all.  There is a difference between a fall and a fail.

Peter was destined for greatness, and it shows throughout his life's story - even when he fell.  It was in God's plan that Peter would be a leader.  After all, who was the first (and only) disciple to say to Jesus, "I want to walk on water with you" and step out of the boat?  Peter.  Who thought he should plan Jesus' itinerary?  Peter.  Who had a sword to lead a charge against Jesus' enemies?  Peter.  Who constantly was at Jesus' coattails, watching every move and listening to every word?  Peter.  And when Peter did decide to go back fishing after Jesus' crucifixion, what did the other disciples do?   They followed him!  (John 21)  Even when he fell, Peter couldn't help but live out his God-given destiny as a leader.

Still, Peter didn't have to live out the rest of his days leading from failure.  Something happened on the Day of Pentecost to transform him forever.  Peter began to live, speak, think and act in the power of the Holy Spirit rather through his own abilities.

From my own experience, I can assure you that the Holy Spirit can still turn a mess into a message.  That's what Transformation House is all about:  We want to see people transformed.  We don't look at anyone as a hopeless failure but believe that there is potential through the transforming power of God to give us all a fulfilling purpose. 

TRANSFORMATION HOUSE

Have You Been Prepped?

Someone recently told me that I look as if I've had an easy life.  I nearly rolled off my chair laughing, because immediately I thought of the bad days, the hospital stays, the struggles with temptations to sin, the addictive behaviors, losing a job, losing a friend, the death of family members, broken promises, betrayals, depression, financial woes, and more recently, my sister's stroke and my son moving his family across the continent.  I wouldn't call that an easy life.  That list seems ominous and endless - trust me, I could go on and on. 

However, I have always considered that I've had a good life.  Not easy, but good.  The hardships that I've encountered have not broken me, and I know God has blessed me in ways that outnumber my trials.

I can also look back and see how the things in the "hard" category have helped make me better in my attitudes, my spiritual life, and in my relationships.  I think they've also prepared me to fit perfectly in the ministry God has given me.  After all, He had it in the works long before I was aware of it. 

"For we are God's workmanship (handiwork, masterpiece), created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."  Ephesians 2:10

When you look at the circumstances of your life, can you see God's creativity at work?  Can you see that the outcome will always leave you where He wants you?  Your life is a masterpiece in the making.

God Created the Church

At our Transformation House Bible studies, we are looking at what the Bible says about God as Creator.  In our first meeting, we looked at how God created the church. 

One of Jesus' main objectives was to build His church (Matthew 16:18 and Colossians 1:17-18).

Our main point was that everything we do in the church and as the church is ALWAYS relational.  God's very first observation after creating Adam was that it was not good for him to be alone (Genesis 2:18). 

In the Bible, the church is referred to in many different ways, including family, a body, a fellowship, a community, a building, a bride, branches, and sheep.  None of these can function alone.  A family requires at least two members.  A body has many parts.  No one can fellowship alone.  A community is not a community if there is only one house.  A building needs many bricks.  A bride isn't a bride without a groom.  Branches need a vine or trunk.  Sheep need a shepherd.  EVERYTHING IS RELATIONAL.

We determined that the normal functions of the church - fellowship, evangelism, discipleship, and worship - aren't just for Sundays.  Our goal at Transformation House is to incorporate these into our daily routines in a way that exudes life. 

We want to keep our message simple: God loves you and can change your life. 

We want to keep from focusing on one leader, and keep Jesus in the spotlight.

We want everyone to have a place to participate in our activities. 

We want to create and foster community. 

Our homework was to read the following scriptures:
Galatians 6:2; John 13:34; James 5:16; and Hebrews 10:25.

THERE'S LIFE IN THE VISION

I Corinthians 9:1,2 There is no need for me to write to you about this service to the saints. For I know your eagerness to help...

At this point, I have only shared my vision for Transformation House with my immediate family and a very few close friends. They are all praying with me to discern God's direction as we launch this ministry. I love it when you know that you know that God is leading you.

I talked with a relative today who said, "We haven't always listened to God, but we're listening now." What made the difference? VISION! There are people who will hear about this vision and a long-dead dream will resurrect in their spirit. Some will have heard from God long ago as He called them to service, but some setback caused their passion to die. That passion will re-ignite as they realize that what God set in motion never stopped, they just lost momentum.

I can see that spark in their eyes and hear it in the conversations as we discuss what is just ahead of us - as if we know. Somehow, I believe it is far greater than our own plans or dreams.

Proverbs 29:18 says "Where there is no vision, the people perish." Another version is, "Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint." The Message says, "If people can't see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves." They are all true.

If you have no goal in life, nothing to work toward, all your joy will die. You will throw away everything good. You will float through life with no direction. However, when you hear Him speak clearly, every decision you make will be based on the question, "Does it take me closer to fulfilling this vision?"

Catch the vision, seek God, listen and move when He speaks.