That's My Church!

Dear Transformers and friends of Transformation House,

Last night, we had the first of two classes for some of our leaders - those who are seen up front each Sunday. The class is called Being Upfront about being Up Front. I led this class, but I want to share a bit of what I got from the class.

I first asked for an evaluation of the service this past Sunday. Those who were up front during the service were Kristen, Tim, Derek, Lisa, Zach, Elena, Anna, Darnell, Amber, Tony, and Chris. I wondered, "To those who were first-time guests, who appeared to be in charge of the service?" The answer was "none of the above." Because everyone knows their role and fills it well, the Holy Spirit, who is truly in charge, can move us in any direction. When He is in charge, not one of us needs to take credit, there is a comfortable flow in the service, and everyone has an encounter with a loving God.

Another question that everyone answered was about their first impression of Transformation House. I asked if their first impression was correct or if they've adjusted what they believe about the church since their first visit.

One person answered, My first impression was that I was getting attention because that's what church folk do. They pay attention to first-timers, then it wears off over time. What I found was that the love they showed me on the first Sunday is the same love they show me now, almost two years later.

Another person said, My first impression was that this was different from any other church I had visited. I saw black, white, gay, straight, old, young, and all were accepted and have a place to belong and serve.

Another answer was, In my previous church, relationships were fake. Here, I feel like I fit in. Rather than just being talked to, I am heard.

I won't go on and on, so the final one I'll share was, When I came, I felt the Holy Spirit in this place - during worship and in interacting with others.

What gets me so pumped about these answers is that these all came from people that I had never met two years ago. At the time we were planning to start Transformation House, we prayed for God to send us to those who felt disenfranchised by the church. We prayed that in this place everyone could feel welcome and experience the presence of God. Every time someone spoke last night, I thought, "That's what we prayed for. That's exactly why we started this church!"

If you're not a part of a church that allows you to serve freely, I'm sorry. I've said it before, so I'll say it again, "If your church won't change, change churches."

Don't Rain On My Parade

Just a couple of weeks ago, I flew to California to participate in the 2013 Exodus Freedom Conference. This was my 11th consecutive annual conference. My involvement with Exodus began in 1999 when I timidly made a call to a local Christian counselor and began meeting with him weekly. I was 40 years old, deeply in love with Jesus and my wife, and for the first time in my life was able to talk about my three big secrets: the ongoing results of being sexually molested as a child, my secret struggle with same-sex attractions, and my addiction to pornography.

That counselor led a local Exodus support ministry for men like me. Men like me? Until I met Dan and he introduced me to that group, I never knew there were any other men like me. Finally, I learned that my experience wasn't as isolated as I had thought. There were many Christian men in church pews every Sunday wearing their cloaks of shame and their masks of perfection. I wasn't the only one who cringed every time a pastor made insensitive gay jokes or, even worse, spoke in an unloving manner about "those perverts" that were unworthy of the love of their families, the church, and even God himself. There were other men who wrestled with scriptural interpretations that left them in the line for hell with no hope of redemption all because of something that they were incapable of changing. In this group, I heard stories of men who had mustered the courage to ask their pastors for help only to be met with "I don't know how to help you." Some were banished from their churches. There were men who had been abandoned by their loved ones and men who literally walked through life with their heads low because of the shame heaped on them by their "friends."

Needless to say, through the counsel I received from Dan and the support of the friends I made in that group, my life changed forever. The greatest thing that they offered was a constant reminder that I was a child of God. My attention was always brought back from my own inclinations toward sin and shame and pointed toward the love of God. Over and over, I heard how I could experience true freedom if I ever could recognize who God had called me to be. I was reluctant to believe that message because my expectation was that somehow God had to miraculously change me from a homosexual to a heterosexual. Since I had been praying for that to happen for most of my life and it hadn't occurred, I had little hope that it would happen now. It wasn't until I changed my prayer and my expectation that I began to experience the freedom I was promised. I began to pray that God would draw me closer to himself, that my life would reflect his life, and that my heart would beat with his. I left behind any expectation of change other than simply, "Lord, change all of me."

I began to live out the life Jesus offered me when I accepted his gift of salvation. I started opening up to others in my family and church by sharing my story and by being vulnerable with my heart. It wasn't an easy start. In fact, it was like a trip to a bad dentist. It was hard for me to get the words out at first. Then, in time, I found that once I had shared my story, I no longer cared what that person or group thought about me. Once I had shared it with my church without receiving condemnation, I felt more peace about my relationship with them. I could be "me" with them. And each time I shared with another group, my circle of freedom became wider and wider until now I don't base my life or my decisions on what anyone else thinks of me. I am "me" all the time.

That brings me back to the Exodus Freedom Conference that was held last month. For the past 10 years or so, I served on the Exodus conference staff. I made friends from across the country - even around the world - through these annual meetings. Earlier this year, I was elected to the Exodus Board of Directors. I have been part of the ongoing discussion regarding the future of Exodus for some time, then came to the board in time for the final decisions and, ultimately, the vote to close Exodus permanently. It's a chapter of my life that I entered with reluctance, grew to love, and then joyfully ended. It was right to close this chapter at this time in this way.

Since the close of Exodus it seems that everyone has publicly offered their opinions about the reason it closed, the fallout or the success of its closing, or the pain or joy they feel because of it. I've read many but not all of the blogs, news reports, Facebook posts, etc. Many of them even quoted the statement that I made on behalf of the Board of Directors or other statements that I made.

I have two observations about what others are saying:

• I was surprised to learn that when journalists use quotation marks they are not necessarily indicating that what is included is a direct quote. Go figure.
• I was surprised that Christian writers have basically the same integrity (or lack) as non-Christians. The negativity, false accusations, and outright lies that I have read from people who once called me "brother" are sometimes infuriating. I seriously have to leave the internet for time to cool down.

For me, the result of this is not a change of heart about what I believe or about my belief that closing Exodus was the right thing to do. Rather, I rejoice that before I came to this point, I found a place of freedom from emotional dependence on what others think of me. They can't rain on my parade. My life flourishes through trials and hardships. I don't have to hide who I am or what I feel. While I am sometimes angered, I am not distracted by the words of others. Jesus, not any man or woman, is the Lord of my life. I try to offer back to my detractors the same grace I have received.

More than ever, I am determined to invite others into this life of freedom. The more I see the underbelly of legalists and modern Pharisees, the more I am reminded that God didn't call us to a religious system but to a relationship with a living God. Let the legalists spew the law, let the Pharisees spread their leaven, and let the accusers play into the hands of the master accuser. Meanwhile, I'll be talking to people about Jesus and dancing in the rain.

ImPerfect



Yesterday, we concluded what may be my favorite series so far! The series, ImPerfect, took a common word (imperfect) added an apostrophe and a space and made it I'm Perfect. Thanks to our design team, the puzzle pieces fit together perfectly. (Pardon the pun.) It's no big feat grammatically, but it is a big deal when God does it in your life. 



Photos by Amber Anderson

What part of your life do you see as an imperfection? Perhaps something that happened in your childhood? A bad decision? Is it a blemish, physical feature, personality trait, or an inherited character flaw? Perhaps the label has been attached to you by other people so that you believe you are unqualified, or disqualified, because of some life issue.

Here's the simple truth. What you see as an imperfection can be the very thing God uses to make you a better person or to impact people around you. He can take the mess of your life and create a message that others will find compelling. Your message could change someone else's life.

This is how Paul explained it in the Bible.

Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don't see many of "the brightest and the best" among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn't it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That's why we have the saying, "If you're going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God."

1 Corinthians 1:26-31 The Message

Don't let your past or your current circumstance keep you from the future God has for you. You are uniquely qualified. There's only one you!

Have You Been Prepped?

Someone recently told me that I look as if I've had an easy life.  I nearly rolled off my chair laughing, because immediately I thought of the bad days, the hospital stays, the struggles with temptations to sin, the addictive behaviors, losing a job, losing a friend, the death of family members, broken promises, betrayals, depression, financial woes, and more recently, my sister's stroke and my son moving his family across the continent.  I wouldn't call that an easy life.  That list seems ominous and endless - trust me, I could go on and on. 

However, I have always considered that I've had a good life.  Not easy, but good.  The hardships that I've encountered have not broken me, and I know God has blessed me in ways that outnumber my trials.

I can also look back and see how the things in the "hard" category have helped make me better in my attitudes, my spiritual life, and in my relationships.  I think they've also prepared me to fit perfectly in the ministry God has given me.  After all, He had it in the works long before I was aware of it. 

"For we are God's workmanship (handiwork, masterpiece), created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."  Ephesians 2:10

When you look at the circumstances of your life, can you see God's creativity at work?  Can you see that the outcome will always leave you where He wants you?  Your life is a masterpiece in the making.

Cracking the Code

It was great to be able to hear from the Lead Team of Quest Community Church for the past few weeks.  This past Sunday we wrapped up the series, Cracking the Code.  Each week we were compelled to examine our relationship with Jesus in a fresh way.  Participating in this series was also a training exercise for us.  We learned to clearly communicate our faith in a way that opens the door for someone else to run to Jesus.  I especially appreciated Pete Hise's final message and the testimonies that accompanied it.  Stories can be powerful, and these certainly were.  Have you ever shared your story?  If not, I would encourage you to work toward doing that.  I would love to hear it.  Here's what I suggest: write it out, then edit it for clarity (Is there a main point that you want to express, and does it come across clearly?), then edit it for content (Did you include too much detail?), then edit it for length (Is it too long for someone to read quickly?), then edit it again just for good measure.  You're ready to share it with us now.

But, shorten it down again to a one-minute version, so that you can tell it quickly and concisely if you need to tell someone about Jesus in a limited amount of time.  Not having enough time should never be an excuse for allowing someone to stay in darkness.

Ready?  Let's hear it!