Where Never is Heard

Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam,

And the deer and the antelope play,
Where never is heard a discouraging word,
And the skies are not cloudy all day.

Tony Needs a Sermon Week is winding down, and I would like to thank everyone who participated. It has been challenging, humbling, discouraging, and uplifting - depending on the attitude of the sermonizer. The main thing I got out of it was a reminder to keep my attitude in check when I'm the one preaching the sermon. I'm not always good at that.

I watch several sermons online each week. On Facebook, someone posted an endorsement of a sermon because of a specific statement the pastor made. I was curious, so I watched the 140 minute service. I never heard the statement. There was a space of a few minutes where the sound was turned down - or some technical issue - or maybe I dozed off. What I did see was a frustrated man. He expressed his frustration with the ushers, the camera operator, and the media person. He came across as controlling and manipulative. I pray that he takes time to rest, that his church supports him, and that they thrive in their mission. 

I have several others that were encouraging and eye-opening for me this week. If you have time, you may want to check these out. 

Tullian Tchividjian Inexhaustible Grace for an Exhausted World.

Chris Whitman The Value of Life

Holly Furtick This Time

Pete Hise No Other Name

Clark Whitten Stop Living in the Shadows

 

That's My Church!

Dear Transformers and friends of Transformation House,

Last night, we had the first of two classes for some of our leaders - those who are seen up front each Sunday. The class is called Being Upfront about being Up Front. I led this class, but I want to share a bit of what I got from the class.

I first asked for an evaluation of the service this past Sunday. Those who were up front during the service were Kristen, Tim, Derek, Lisa, Zach, Elena, Anna, Darnell, Amber, Tony, and Chris. I wondered, "To those who were first-time guests, who appeared to be in charge of the service?" The answer was "none of the above." Because everyone knows their role and fills it well, the Holy Spirit, who is truly in charge, can move us in any direction. When He is in charge, not one of us needs to take credit, there is a comfortable flow in the service, and everyone has an encounter with a loving God.

Another question that everyone answered was about their first impression of Transformation House. I asked if their first impression was correct or if they've adjusted what they believe about the church since their first visit.

One person answered, My first impression was that I was getting attention because that's what church folk do. They pay attention to first-timers, then it wears off over time. What I found was that the love they showed me on the first Sunday is the same love they show me now, almost two years later.

Another person said, My first impression was that this was different from any other church I had visited. I saw black, white, gay, straight, old, young, and all were accepted and have a place to belong and serve.

Another answer was, In my previous church, relationships were fake. Here, I feel like I fit in. Rather than just being talked to, I am heard.

I won't go on and on, so the final one I'll share was, When I came, I felt the Holy Spirit in this place - during worship and in interacting with others.

What gets me so pumped about these answers is that these all came from people that I had never met two years ago. At the time we were planning to start Transformation House, we prayed for God to send us to those who felt disenfranchised by the church. We prayed that in this place everyone could feel welcome and experience the presence of God. Every time someone spoke last night, I thought, "That's what we prayed for. That's exactly why we started this church!"

If you're not a part of a church that allows you to serve freely, I'm sorry. I've said it before, so I'll say it again, "If your church won't change, change churches."

Don't Rain On My Parade

Just a couple of weeks ago, I flew to California to participate in the 2013 Exodus Freedom Conference. This was my 11th consecutive annual conference. My involvement with Exodus began in 1999 when I timidly made a call to a local Christian counselor and began meeting with him weekly. I was 40 years old, deeply in love with Jesus and my wife, and for the first time in my life was able to talk about my three big secrets: the ongoing results of being sexually molested as a child, my secret struggle with same-sex attractions, and my addiction to pornography.

That counselor led a local Exodus support ministry for men like me. Men like me? Until I met Dan and he introduced me to that group, I never knew there were any other men like me. Finally, I learned that my experience wasn't as isolated as I had thought. There were many Christian men in church pews every Sunday wearing their cloaks of shame and their masks of perfection. I wasn't the only one who cringed every time a pastor made insensitive gay jokes or, even worse, spoke in an unloving manner about "those perverts" that were unworthy of the love of their families, the church, and even God himself. There were other men who wrestled with scriptural interpretations that left them in the line for hell with no hope of redemption all because of something that they were incapable of changing. In this group, I heard stories of men who had mustered the courage to ask their pastors for help only to be met with "I don't know how to help you." Some were banished from their churches. There were men who had been abandoned by their loved ones and men who literally walked through life with their heads low because of the shame heaped on them by their "friends."

Needless to say, through the counsel I received from Dan and the support of the friends I made in that group, my life changed forever. The greatest thing that they offered was a constant reminder that I was a child of God. My attention was always brought back from my own inclinations toward sin and shame and pointed toward the love of God. Over and over, I heard how I could experience true freedom if I ever could recognize who God had called me to be. I was reluctant to believe that message because my expectation was that somehow God had to miraculously change me from a homosexual to a heterosexual. Since I had been praying for that to happen for most of my life and it hadn't occurred, I had little hope that it would happen now. It wasn't until I changed my prayer and my expectation that I began to experience the freedom I was promised. I began to pray that God would draw me closer to himself, that my life would reflect his life, and that my heart would beat with his. I left behind any expectation of change other than simply, "Lord, change all of me."

I began to live out the life Jesus offered me when I accepted his gift of salvation. I started opening up to others in my family and church by sharing my story and by being vulnerable with my heart. It wasn't an easy start. In fact, it was like a trip to a bad dentist. It was hard for me to get the words out at first. Then, in time, I found that once I had shared my story, I no longer cared what that person or group thought about me. Once I had shared it with my church without receiving condemnation, I felt more peace about my relationship with them. I could be "me" with them. And each time I shared with another group, my circle of freedom became wider and wider until now I don't base my life or my decisions on what anyone else thinks of me. I am "me" all the time.

That brings me back to the Exodus Freedom Conference that was held last month. For the past 10 years or so, I served on the Exodus conference staff. I made friends from across the country - even around the world - through these annual meetings. Earlier this year, I was elected to the Exodus Board of Directors. I have been part of the ongoing discussion regarding the future of Exodus for some time, then came to the board in time for the final decisions and, ultimately, the vote to close Exodus permanently. It's a chapter of my life that I entered with reluctance, grew to love, and then joyfully ended. It was right to close this chapter at this time in this way.

Since the close of Exodus it seems that everyone has publicly offered their opinions about the reason it closed, the fallout or the success of its closing, or the pain or joy they feel because of it. I've read many but not all of the blogs, news reports, Facebook posts, etc. Many of them even quoted the statement that I made on behalf of the Board of Directors or other statements that I made.

I have two observations about what others are saying:

• I was surprised to learn that when journalists use quotation marks they are not necessarily indicating that what is included is a direct quote. Go figure.
• I was surprised that Christian writers have basically the same integrity (or lack) as non-Christians. The negativity, false accusations, and outright lies that I have read from people who once called me "brother" are sometimes infuriating. I seriously have to leave the internet for time to cool down.

For me, the result of this is not a change of heart about what I believe or about my belief that closing Exodus was the right thing to do. Rather, I rejoice that before I came to this point, I found a place of freedom from emotional dependence on what others think of me. They can't rain on my parade. My life flourishes through trials and hardships. I don't have to hide who I am or what I feel. While I am sometimes angered, I am not distracted by the words of others. Jesus, not any man or woman, is the Lord of my life. I try to offer back to my detractors the same grace I have received.

More than ever, I am determined to invite others into this life of freedom. The more I see the underbelly of legalists and modern Pharisees, the more I am reminded that God didn't call us to a religious system but to a relationship with a living God. Let the legalists spew the law, let the Pharisees spread their leaven, and let the accusers play into the hands of the master accuser. Meanwhile, I'll be talking to people about Jesus and dancing in the rain.

I Stll Get Nervous

You may not believe this, but I have always had stage fright. My first stage appearance was a month after I turned three years old. There I was being pushed onto the stage of my parents' little church to recite my Christmas poem - in a diaper! I will let you make up your own story about that, but you can believe what really happened was probably worse that what you imagine.

All through school, from first grade through college, I hated having to speak in front of an audience. Then, I went into ministry where I have stood before a congregation nearly every week for the past 32 years.

It doesn't matter if I'm speaking to a handful of people or thousands, I still get nervous if I am in a new environment. My hands grow numb and cold, my heart rate increases, I get short of breath, and feel like I could faint dead on the spot! Every time I feel that anxiety begin, I use it for an opportunity for prayer while reminding myself that it's not about me. I am weak, God is strong. I am insufficient, He is all-sufficient.

Yesterday, was one of those days. I was driving across town to speak at a Christian school's weekly chapel service. While researching the school a bit online, I had come across a statistic for South Carolina's private schools and found that I was on my way to speak at the state's largest private school (school's entrance is pictured above). I assure you that no pride rose up in me at that point, only fear. So, as I drove, I prayed asking God for peace in my heart and mind, for clarity of thought, and mostly that he would speak to the students through me. As I flipped on the radio hoping for some soothing Christian music, they were in the middle of a break from music and I had to endure several minutes of blah, blah, blah. This church is having the event, this other church wants you to come hear this singer, on and on.

Finally, a song came on, and tears came as Matthew West started singing a song that I had only vaguely heard before. Oh, I knew that catchy hook lines, but had never actually listened to the song all the way through. He sang,

You must, You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me, Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do on my own.

I couldn't believe they were playing what my heart was crying!

I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us

Then I realized this wasn't just a "right now" song, this was really the song of my life. Matthew and my heart kept singing.

Cause I'm broken, down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God, and you are strong when I am weak

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be strong enough.

I suspect that the next time I stand in front of a new crowd, I will still feel weak and less than able. But, I'm ok with that. The only reason I am ever standing on two feet is because Jesus is holding me up. Works for me.

Cracking the Code

It was great to be able to hear from the Lead Team of Quest Community Church for the past few weeks.  This past Sunday we wrapped up the series, Cracking the Code.  Each week we were compelled to examine our relationship with Jesus in a fresh way.  Participating in this series was also a training exercise for us.  We learned to clearly communicate our faith in a way that opens the door for someone else to run to Jesus.  I especially appreciated Pete Hise's final message and the testimonies that accompanied it.  Stories can be powerful, and these certainly were.  Have you ever shared your story?  If not, I would encourage you to work toward doing that.  I would love to hear it.  Here's what I suggest: write it out, then edit it for clarity (Is there a main point that you want to express, and does it come across clearly?), then edit it for content (Did you include too much detail?), then edit it for length (Is it too long for someone to read quickly?), then edit it again just for good measure.  You're ready to share it with us now.

But, shorten it down again to a one-minute version, so that you can tell it quickly and concisely if you need to tell someone about Jesus in a limited amount of time.  Not having enough time should never be an excuse for allowing someone to stay in darkness.

Ready?  Let's hear it!