Monday, October 11, 2010

The Church and Sexuality

All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord.  Proverbs 16:2

Church has always been a part of my life.  I mean, I was in church from Day One, but I don't remember one sermon or Sunday school lesson that taught a Biblical view of sexuality.  Never.  Not in a gentle, G-rated lesson in Junior High, not in a youth group setting, and not even from the pastor in the pulpit.  Never.

I suspect my life could have been different if I could have had an open, honest conversation about God's view of me and His plan for my life.  It may have helped me avoid some of the mistakes, addictions and wrong thinking that kept me in bondage for so long. 

Pastors sometimes are afraid to approach this subject, even though no one else in the world is afraid to talk about it.  Our children's sources of information generally have no concept of righteous living or Biblical principals, so our children grow up with twisted views of themselves and a misunderstanding of God's intentions for them in their intimate relationships.  This should change!

Coming up this Sunday, Mt. Calvary Presbyterian Church is holding a Bible conference on sexuality.  I will preach in both morning services on the subject The Church's Battle with Sexual Sin.  Between the services, I will teach an adult class on The Church's Battle with Pornography.

Does your church address the area of sexuality in its teachings?

How would you describe your church's approach to sexuality in general?

What changes would you suggest for pastors in dealing with this issue?


  1. Truth be told I think many parents do not realize how much kids have been exposed to the overall sex culture in America (as one can easily tell by some of the songs they chant).

    That said, I think Sunday school IS NOT the best place for it, mainly due to threats of lawsuits (and bad PR) although youth group is probably a better avenue as by then they've already begun to hit puberty.

    Either way I do agree that churches need to address this issue more often, and should not shy away from the more controversial questions youth may have (as they are probably getting their "daily dose" (no pun intended) of answers from untrustworthy sources).

  2. I agree, Darnell. Children's Sunday school may not be the best place for it. I think it should always be addressed in age/gender appropriate ways. I think the ideal place for a child to learn is in his/her home from parents. Unfortunately, many parents abdicate that responsibility. In any case, I would never teach a minor without parental consent.

    I think it would be interesting to find out how many people first learned about sex from their parents. I would guess it is a low percentage.

    Also, I should explain that I did hear the words fornication, lust, and adultery in church many times. Sexuality wasn't entirely MIA, we just never heard positive messages. The lessons and sermons were always about what the church (and God) were against.

  3. I grew up with you. We went to the same church and heard the same sermons. I got married because I had sex with a girl. I remember standing at the altar with my bride coming down the isle while I was sweating bullets and thinking why am I doing this. It was because I was taught that if you had sex with someone you HAD to marry them or you would go to Hell. At least that was my interpretation of it. Granted the marriage didn't last but it did change my whole life, everything about me, and I'm sure, God's plan for my life.

  4. I have many good memories from those days - and my church family impacted me in so many positive ways. I still count many of those older saints as my heroes. I'm sure they were doing what they thought was best - or perhaps only what they knew to do. When I read your comment, I felt your pain. How terrible to feel so trapped in what should be such a joyous moment. I'm sorry you've had to live with such pain. It's time to break that cycle. That's why I'm so passionate about teaching on this subject when I can. I don't want my grandchildren's generation to grow up with the same misconceptions we had.

  5. I talk to my kids about sex as much as is necessary and appropriate. I invite them to ask me anything they want. They haven't asked me anything scandalous yet.

  6. Josh, your kids are blessed to have you as their youth pastor. Give me a call when the scandalous question comes up. I'd love to hear it.